Aloha! My name is Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii

A nine-year-old with a truly unfortunate name—it was the strangest piece of Hawaii-related news I encountered checking my e-mail this morning.

A New Zealand family court judge today intervened in the case of a young girl so embarrassed by her birth name, she went by the alias “K” in school to avoid being teased and ridiculed.

The name given her by parents clearly in love with the Islands, but perhaps also daft? Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii.

Judge Rob Murfitt—presiding over a custody battle between Talula’s parents—made the girl a ward of the court and ordered her name changed.

Murfitt also took the opportunity of the ruling to chastise dimwitted New Zealand parents saddling their offspring with atrocious names. A subject he seemed long perturbed by.

Among the names Murfitt mentioned, all really submitted to the New Zealand registrar: Sex Fruit, Number 16 Bus Shelter, Violence, Yeah Detroit, Keenan Got Lucy, Midnight Chardonnay and the twin sets Fish and Chips, and Benson and Hedges. All but Number 16 Bus Shelter and Violence were denied.

“The court is profoundly concerned about the very poor judgment which this child’s parents have shown in choosing this name,” Murfitt wrote in his ruling.

TDTHFH’s parents did not explain why they gave their daughter the name. We in Hawaii should probably feel grateful they’re not sharing.